In the words of Dr. Allie G.....

My eggs are rotting. Y'all remember the crazy doc from The Bachelor(Dr. Travis season). Bad humor I know but this is what went through my head when the RE gave us our results today.

Let me back up a bit. The first results we went over were the results of the blood test for FSH(follicle stimulating hormone), LH(luteinizing hormone) and prolactin. My FSH & LH are on the higher side. Not the highest but higher than they should be. What does this mean? Basically I'm perimenopausal. Sally reassured me I'm not going to start menopause tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year but my body is definitely beginning to change and move towards menopause. My mother began menopause in her early 40s so I may very well be following in her footsteps. As you approach menopause your body produces more FSH & LH to stimulate your follicles to mature eggs because your egg quality begins to diminish as you approach menopause therefore it takes more FSH/LH to stimulate those follies to mature eggs. So right now, for me, this means I am not producing enough or perhaps any high quality eggs. This was so very hard to hear. I was doing my damndest not to cry but Sally looked at me and said it's ok honey and gave me tissues and I broke down into tears.

The lab had not sent J's semen analysis results so Sally called the lab and they faxed them straight away. This is the good news. J has super sperm. No kidding. Sally said she never sees men in her office with sperm counts that high. Basically in every milliliter of semen J has over 600 million sperm all barreling straight ahead toward the motherland. The result they normally look for? Anything over 20 million. He's such an overachiever. LOL. He exceeded the minimums in every category. If my eggs were good we'd have a litter of kids with his sperm count. Sally said he's the perfect sperm donor.

Sally next consulted with theOB/GYN at her office to schedule my D&C ASAP. She wanted to do it Friday but I absolutely cannot be away from the office on Friday. We met with the surgeon and his nurse and Darlene, the nurse told me she would call me first thing in the morning as the surgery center was already closed. We were shooting for tomorrow but we have an appointment for this Monday at 8:15am. I have to be there at 6am and then they'll will put me to sleep. The procedure itself takes 30 minutes and then I have the rest of the day to recover.

So what does all this mean for us as far as our options. Not a whole heck of a lot. I cannot be on any type of hormone fertility treatment because it is possible the hormones will shock my system into menopause. Also, because the egg quality appears to be lacking the hormones won't help egg quality. Retrieving/freezing my eggs is a last ditch effort because of the possible bad quality. For now our plan is this. I take prometrium on CD35 if my period has not arrived and I'm not pregnant. I call Sally on CD1 and she will begin monitoring my follicle growth via U/S. Once she sees some good looking follicles J and I will DTD. She may give me an HCG trigger shot if the follies look promising to ensure ovulation. She'll test progesterone depending upon the follicle growth. We'll do this for however long we feel comfortable and sane. After that we can revisit the egg retrieval option but most likely our best bet would be a donor egg and/or adoption.

At this point we are racing against my biological clock. This sucker has never ticked louder than it is right now. So I'm supposed to remain relaxed about this and not stress. Yeah sure. That is so much easier said than done but I'm going to try my hardest to remain cool for the next few months. The sex on demand thing is worrying me because I'm worried J's going to have performance issues but he's vowed to do whatever it takes. He was great throughout this and remains Mr. Positive which is both wonderful and frustrating right now.

I talked to my parents, my sister, Amy and J's mom and sister about everything which has helped somewhat but the tears are still there, just below the surface and they are flowing frequently.

Please y'all please pray for us. think positive thoughts. I really could use them right now. It is so damn hard to be told having a baby is going to be difficult or almost impossible when it's something you want with all your heart and soul. I need to learn to accept that whatever His plan is we'll be fine and with a lot of prayer and soul searching I hope to come to terms with whatever the outcome may be.